How do you get your child to sit on the potty for “long enough?” so they can successfully wee or poo into it?

The first questions that new parents ask about potty learning are usually along the lines of “how do you get them to sit on the potty” and “how long should they stay there for?”

There is an entire industry selling products that claim to make the potty enticing for kids, from toys and books to apps. The belief is that prolonged sitting increases the likelihood of success or helps avoid accidents. But is this really the right approach?

when to sit

Sitting on the potty needs to happen at the time your child’s body is telling them to go. Sitting without doing a wee or poo doesn’t create an effective learning environment. The answer is to encourage them to go when their body needs to. This means learning your child’s cues and helping them to learn to listen to their body and understand its messages as well.

won’t sit

But what if your child needs to go and then can’t let it out on the potty? What if they sit and then  5 minutes later may wet or soil themselves? Here are 5 tips for improving cooperation if your child not interested in sitting on the potty.

1) consider your language carefully – avoid asking questions and offer information instead.  Here’s a blog on avoiding battles and here’s a blog on encouraging cooperation

2)Try a visual aid like a short timer or sparkle jar (make it yourself)

3) Use gentle distraction – here’s a blog on choosing potty toys

4) Build up their internal motivation – avoid external rewards/bribes like sticker charts or snacks

5) Praise their efforts! The goal here is co-operation and you can praise them for that whether or not they succeed in weeing or pooing in the potty.   Here’s a blog on how to praise their efforts.

resistance is caused by fear

If your child won’t sit, sits for a second, then gets up, or won’t let go when they sit, helping them means addressing their fears. My Advanced Potty Training course can help you do this, as well as give them a structured, step-by-step guide to switching from nappies to the potty without triggering anxiety whilst allowing them to go at their own pace.

when to start

The age you begin teaching potty skills also makes an enormous difference. A child aged 6-12 months will often sit without a battle. When you see that poo face – go for it and start getting them used to how the potty feels and what it’s for.  A 12-18 month old child has a strong desire to please you so use that to help build cooperation.

If your child is 2 or 3 years old, they have already developed their own strong sense of agency and you may find they are quite busy being curious about the world and mastering the skills they are interested in developing! This stage is about giving them control and choices and setting appropriate expectations. Although this stage can be ripe for battles, it’s also the age at which they have the most competence and can learn to be independent, so help them do as much as they can for themselves to help engage them.

RESOURCES

My free potty training course can help you to unlock potty training success. It covers preparing your child for potty training, understanding body signals and guides you through supporting them to master 40 essential skills for toilet independence.

My advanced course offers troubleshooting support for resolving fears and anxieties, explains how to tailor the method to your child’s unique temperament so you don’t trigger demand avoidance in stubborn children or pressure a more sensitive child, and can be adapted to a multi-step approach for reluctant learners.

Overwhelmed? Contact me for a consultation and fast-track your learning or resolve potty-related problems. Here’s a recent review:

“My toddler is so much happier pooing on the toilet following on from your advice and is now regularly (more than regularly!) going to the toilet. We no longer have accidents and the fear of poo has now gone and so has the back and forth to the loo without being able to go.
I am so so grateful for the advice and support you gave, I feel like I’ve got my sanity back!”